Tuesday, 25 March 2008

How To Party Like A Cowboy

A few months ago I was invited, by a landscaping co-worker, to a sushi restaurant with the promise of meeting a lot of random people in an event called "Big Sushi Night". BSN (as it is known to its fans) is a monthly sushi event hosted in a Richmond restaurant called Kisha Poppo. It was created by Jon Fenn (the co-worker) for both his youth group and his different groups of friends to meet up and hang out.

I decided to go along, making the (apparently accurate) assumption that it'd be fine because my accent would attract people's attention without a problem and I’d have a great time. Once there, after much talking and joking, I became friends with a few of the people; one of whom was Taryn. As well as knowing her through BSN, I’d have soon met her through football because her boyfriend is on the team. Also, it turned out that she knew my cousins from cheerleading and College Pro painting!

Recently Taryn turned 20 and decided to celebrate by hiring a party bus to take a group of her friends to an out of town (Pitt Meadows) country and western bar called Roosters. As well as hosting a large dance floor and some pool tables, Roosters is also well-known for their ridiculously cheap wings and occasional bucking bronco machine evenings.

Even prior to confirming my attendance I’d decided that I’d have to look (and sound) the part if I went! I decided that I would dress stereotypically cowboy and talk like a hick; throwing in “Yee-haw’s” every so often like every good redneck should! During the day at work before the party (excited for my first proper night out in months!) I decided to go one step further and brainstorm some cowboy puns to use as chat-up lines.

If my brain was the wild west, the brainstorming would be most likened to a desert drought with no movement save for the occasional tumbleweed bouncing across on the horizon. Fortunately, the storm came all at once as soon as I had recruited help from Danny (and his girlfriend, Alanna via phone) for clichés and puns.

First I came up with (what I, at the time, considered “brilliant”) “save a horse; ride a cowboy” before Alanna called back with “can I check you for ticks?”! Deciding that there was indeed a limit to which I would stoop to pull this off (and failing to believe that hers wasn’t insulting!), I chose the first one and prepared myself for a wicked evening as a cowboy. It must be noted however that the second is a legitimate chat-up line and apparently goes down a storm. Essentially it is asking to see the girl naked but I was unaware of this at the time and instead perceived it to be both offensive and primitive; with every possibility of being slapped and looking foolish!

Once home I scoured the Bowen house (with permission) for some “country attire”. After some manic dashing, I managed to throw together some worn jeans, a bolo tie (a.k.a. a bootlace tie), some brown shoes (that looked a little like cowboy boots) and my own oversized "Levis" belt buckle purchased 2 years ago in Malaysia! Having failed to procure either a hat or a shirt, I decided to buy them from a cheap clothes shop on the way to the bus.

Not wanting to look too serious I had to ditch the waistcoat and choose the
red shirt but for a second in Value Village, I looked like a real cowboy!

Jon suggested “Value Village” and we headed over with very little time available to complete my outfit. Again I had to make the decision to draw a line, after picking up a denim waistcoat and straw cowboy hat, which though completing the look, definitely made me look like I was being far too serious about the whole affair; with every chance of being ridiculed! A red Quiksilver country shirt later and I looked perfect; not too serious but definitely country enough to fit in.

The party bus was pretty much what “Pimp My Ride” – and “X to the Z” – would have created from a school bus, had they ever gotten one – though without the absurd number of TV’s that they’d have undoubtedly added! It had the comfort and style of a limousine but was larger and allowed for dancing and other crazy antics. Drinking in a moving vehicle is actually illegal in BC so we had to be sneaky until we got out of town (where there were probably no cops within a 10 mile radius!)

My cross section of country music - provided by my Dad (Dixie Chicks, Dwight Yoakam, etc.), Cory (Taylor Swift, Carrie Underwood, etc) and GTA: San Andreas (Willie Nelson, Ed Bruce, etc.) – though ranged was not particularly deep and I had never really developed the passion for country music that born and bred Canadians appeared to.

Therefore, when the bus began pumping out tunes, I was surprised that the tracks were actually quite danceable and I was surprised to see that country music could be crossed with dance anthems! I had honestly been gearing up for a cross between line dancing and “Cotton Eyed Joe”! I was also saved from the embarrassment of using my chat-up line on a girl who knew my line as a tired country cliché when it came up as a song!

Evidence for my confidence post showed during the evening’s events. For the first time in my life I danced like I wasn’t super self-conscious about it, since bad dancing would just be seen as joking around, and I had an awesome time. Not only did I party like a rock star cowboy but I also made some new friends and danced with probably every girl in our group!

In all the “Hoe-Down” (more applicable to me than most of the other people in the club it turns out, since I actually had put my hoe – and rake – down before I'd headed over!) was sensational and I am even considering the location for my own 20th, in a few months. For those of you hoping to learn something useful from this lecture (this sentence is becoming a recurring theme I feel), walking like a cowboy (as though you’ve been sat on a saddle for 10 years) is essential to the dance. Invisible lasso around hot girls also goes down a storm. Otherwise, just try not to do the Cotton Eyed Joe routine and have a blast!


Taryn Kleeband said...

Glad you had fun Chris :)
I was thoroughly impressed with your attire and effort.

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